"They are men. They have desires. They have testosterone. If they make a mistake, I'm not going to hate them. I don’t think they are above or below being seduced. I would be foolish if I thought that. They are tested and tested, like every one of us. I pray for them." — Denise Jonas on the celibacy of her three boys [Good Housekeeping]
I've only seen a few of these on the train, but each time, I've glared and glared. We should never stop printing and buying books, ever. Shame on you Amazon (plus, does anyone else think "kindle" sounds Third-Reichy?).
I know that we do what we can to get that paper, but I just can't wrap my head around this one. Lil' Kim being on Dancing with the Stars is like learning that there's no Easter Bunny. These truly are hard times!
My Plague of last week has returned with a vengeance and brain fever; so forgive me, it's taken a long minute to address weekend news. At Sunday night's Grammy Awards, Taylor Swift (Poor Miss Swift has previously appeared in this, our shaming segment, and despite A&P's decidedly anti-Swift stance, we don't really know where she came from, MySpace or American Idol? One of thems.) and (horrors!) Miley Cyrus (another young A&P punching bag and "Chinese Democracy" alum) sang an "unprecedented" duet. This meager performance was sandwiched between a J.T. and Al Green duet (which was difficult for me, because it felt like an attempt at Timberlake making the Reverend relevant, not the other way around—and woah, Justin said in an awkward preamble that Al lived down the street from him as a tyke. Al Green lives in Millington???!!! I'm gonna need a minute.) and a Stevie Wonder and The Jonas Brothers duet (which—yeah, I get it—is the meeting of two "kid sensations," one less of a kid these days than the other, but those Jonas hoes just stress me out, in the words of PMC, "They look like they were bad-touched," and I don't buy for a damn minute that their songs are actually really good and that they're some kind of latter-day Monkees.). And, Lordy, I hope you are aware that all of these tricks (Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, and the Bros. Jonas—not J.T., the Rev, or Stevie) are Evangelical Christians who go about declaring their holy virginity. And all of this just makes me feel old and angry. And to return to the point, as I boiled in anger over these dumb children (and the very fact that I was watching The Grammy's), Cyrus and Swift performed an "intimate" (gross!), acoustic rendition of Swift's song "Fifteen," as in "When you're fifteen [years old]." The gall! The yelping! The WHY ARE WE LISTENING TO/CELEBRATING THE VOICES OF HIGH SCHOOL?! I wanted to see super-preggers M.I.A. perform "Swagga' Like Us" with the boys, but I couldn't wade through anymore of this shit to get there.
In the wake of her most recent photos-on-the-internet debacle, Miley Cyrus has taken to her blog to defend herself. This one's a real doozy:
I definitely feel like the press is trying to make me out as the new 'BAD GIRL'!I feel like now that Britney is back on top of her game again, they need someone to pick on! Lucky me!
Miley, dear, you will never in any capacity have any remote connection to Britney Spears. You're being picked on because you're an idiot. But you're 16, so it's to be expected. Just ride it out, you may not be an idiot for much longer. Maybe.
"Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you but you never come. Is this in my head? I don't know what to think- He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said... Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone."
So I'm driving down the street yesterday, minding my own business, and (thanks to my malfunctioning cassette player iPod contraption) this fresh hell from Taylor Swift comes over the airwaves. I've been seeing her rodent face in the rags for a while now, so I decided to see what she was all about. Bad idea.
As a young'un, I definitely fed into the whole prince/princess romantic fantasy. Although, come to think of it, my fantasies were more dank medieval castle, giant fireplace, and luxurious furs than prince/princess...and I don't think "romantic" would really be the way to describe them...anyway.....
This "jam" just feeds the already fatty brains of young women, setting them up for a lifetime of sitting around waiting for a "prince" to come along to save them, complete them, impart meaning. The "Romeo & Juliet" theme is also troublesome, perpetuating that much-advertised lie that a romantic interest who raises the ire of friends and family is somehow even more desirable. Oh Lord, and the marriage talk! Isn't this girl 16 years old or something?
We need to sit the younger generation down and tell them that "Romeo" is just code for a bartender/musician with good hair and mother issues.
"They are men. They have desires. They have testosterone. If they make a mistake, I'm not going to hate them. I don’t think they are above or below being seduced. I would be foolish if I thought that. They are tested and tested, like every one of us. I pray for them." —
