Chinese Democracy

My Plague of last week has returned with a vengeance and brain fever; so forgive me, it's taken a long minute to address weekend news. At Sunday night's Grammy Awards, Taylor Swift (Poor Miss Swift has previously appeared in this, our shaming segment, and despite A&P's decidedly anti-Swift stance, we don't really know where she came from, MySpace or American Idol? One of thems.) and (horrors!) Miley Cyrus (another young A&P punching bag and "Chinese Democracy" alum) sang an "unprecedented" duet. This meager performance was sandwiched between a J.T. and Al Green duet (which was difficult for me, because it felt like an attempt at Timberlake making the Reverend relevant, not the other way around—and woah, Justin said in an awkward preamble that Al lived down the street from him as a tyke. Al Green lives in Millington???!!! I'm gonna need a minute.) and a Stevie Wonder and The Jonas Brothers duet (which—yeah, I get it—is the meeting of two "kid sensations," one less of a kid these days than the other, but those Jonas hoes just stress me out, in the words of PMC, "They look like they were bad-touched," and I don't buy for a damn minute that their songs are actually really good and that they're some kind of latter-day Monkees.). And, Lordy, I hope you are aware that all of these tricks (Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, and the Bros. Jonas—not J.T., the Rev, or Stevie) are Evangelical Christians who go about declaring their holy virginity. And all of this just makes me feel old and angry. And to return to the point, as I boiled in anger over these dumb children (and the very fact that I was watching The Grammy's), Cyrus and Swift performed an "intimate" (gross!), acoustic rendition of Swift's song "Fifteen," as in "When you're fifteen [years old]." The gall! The yelping! The WHY ARE WE LISTENING TO/CELEBRATING THE VOICES OF HIGH SCHOOL?! I wanted to see super-preggers M.I.A. perform "Swagga' Like Us" with the boys, but I couldn't wade through anymore of this shit to get there.