Apr 4, 2009

Happy Birthday, Hildi Santo-Tomas!!!!


Hildi Santo-Tomas, the most genteel of the Trading Spaces crew, and most likely to nail a whole bunch of something insane on your walls. During the "overnight" portion of the show, I used to imagine that she and Laurie Hickson (the lesser belle of the ball) were getting drunk at the hotel bar and talking shit about the contestants. Later, when Laurie went upstairs "to put her face to bed", Hildi would make out with the bartender before slurring to one of the younger, prettier maids that she "used to be like you, y'know!"

Excuse My Beauty


I used to wait on this really old guy that drank too much draft beer and swore a lot, even for my taste. One time this goth/raver/too-gay-to-function thing walked into the restaurant, and he remarked to me "if that was my kid, I'd stop feeding him".

Best Thing Going (For This Weekend)


Daisy of Love Cast!!

Cartoons


Apr 3, 2009

Verses

A comprehensive list of titles from Carolyn Keene's Nancy Drew series (1930-present):

1. THE SECRET OF THE OLD CLOCK
2. THE HIDDEN STAIRCASE
3. THE BUNGALOW MYSTERY
4. THE MYSTERY AT LILAC INN
5. THE SECRET OF SHADOW RANCH
6. THE SECRET OF RED GATE FARM
7. THE CLUE IN THE DIARY
8. NANCY'S MYSTERIOUS LETTER
9. THE SIGN OF THE TWISTED CANDLES
10. THE PASSWORD TO LARKSPUR LANE
11. THE CLUE OF THE BROKEN LOCKET
12. THE MESSAGE IN THE HOLLOW OAK
13. THE MYSTERY OF THE IVORY CHARM
14. THE WHISPERING STATUE
15. THE HAUNTED BRIDGE
16. THE CLUE OF THE TAPPING HEELS
17. THE MYSTERY OF THE BRASS-BOUND TRUNK
18. THE MYSTERY OF THE MOSS-COVERED MANSION
19. THE QUEST OF THE MISSING MAP
20. THE CLUE IN THE JEWEL BOX
21. THE SECRET IN THE OLD ATTIC
22. THE CLUE IN THE CRUMBLING WALL
23. THE MYSTERY OF THE TOLLING BELL
24. THE CLUE IN THE OLD ALBUM
25. GHOST OF BLACKWOOD HALL
26. THE CLUE OF THE LEANING CHIMNEY
27. THE SECRET OF THE WOODEN LADY
28. THE CLUE OF THE BLACK KEYS
29. THE MYSTERY AT THE SKI JUMP
30. THE CLUE OF THE VELVET MASK
31. THE RINGMASTER'S SECRET
32. THE SCARLET SLIPPER MYSTERY
33. THE WITCH TREE SYMBOL
34. THE HIDDEN WINDOW MYSTERY
35. THE HAUNTED SHOWBOAT
36. THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN PAVILION
37. THE CLUE IN THE OLD STAGECOACH
38. THE MYSTERY OF THE FIRE DRAGON
39. THE CLUE OF THE DANCING PUPPET
40. THE MOONSTONE CASTLE MYSTERY
41. THE CLUE OF THE WHISTLING BAGPIPES
42. THE PHANTOM OF PINE HILL
43. THE MYSTERY OF THE 99 STEPS
44. THE CLUE IN THE CROSSWORD CIPHER
45. THE SPIDER SAPPHIRE MYSTERY
46. THE INVISIBLE INTRUDER
47. THE MYSTERIOUS MANNEQUIN
48. THE CROOKED BANISTER
49. THE SECRET OF MIRROR BAY
50. THE DOUBLE JINX MYSTERY
51. MYSTERY OF THE GLOWING EYE
52. THE SECRET OF THE FORGOTTEN CITY
53. THE SKY PHANTOM
54. STRANGE MESSAGE IN THE PARCHMENT
55. MYSTERY OF CROCODILE ISLAND
56. THE THIRTEENTH PEARL
57. THE TRIPLE HOAX
58. THE FLYING SAUCER MYSTERY
59. THE SECRET IN THE OLD LACE
60. THE GREEK SYMBOL MYSTERY
61. THE SWAMI'S RING
62. THE KACHINA DOLL MYSTERY
63. THE TWIN DILEMMA
64. CAPTIVE WITNESS
65. MYSTERY OF THE WINGED LION
66. RACE AGAINST TIME
67. THE SINISTER OMEN
68. THE ELUSIVE HEIRESS
69. CLUE IN THE ANCIENT DISGUISE
70. THE BROKEN ANCHOR
71. THE SILVER COBWEB
72. THE HAUNTED CAROUSEL
73. ENEMY MATCH
74. THE MYSTERIOUS IMAGE
75. THE EMERALD-EYED CAT
76. THE ESKIMO'S SECRET
77. THE BLUEBEARD ROOM
78. THE PHANTOM OF VENICE
79. THE DOUBLE HORROR OF FENLEY PLACE
80. THE CASE OF THE DISAPPEARING DIAMONDS
81. MARDI GRAS MYSTERY
82. THE CLUE IN THE CAMERA
83. THE CASE OF THE VANISHING VEIL
84. THE JOKER'S REVENGE
85. THE SECRET OF SHADY GLEN
86. THE MYSTERY OF MISTY CANYON
87. THE CASE OF THE RISING STARS
88. THE SEARCH FOR CINDY AUSTIN
89. THE CASE OF THE DISAPPEARING DEEJAY
90. THE PUZZLE AT PINEVIEW SCHOOL
91. THE GIRL WHO COULDN'T REMEMBER
92. THE GHOST OF CRAVEN COVE
93. THE CASE OF THE SAFECRACKER'S SECRET
94. THE PICTURE-PERFECT MYSTERY
95. THE SILENT SUSPECT
96. THE CASE OF THE PHOTO FINISH
97. THE MYSTERY AT MAGNOLIA MANSION
98. THE HAUNTING OF HORSE ISLAND
99. THE SECRET AT SEVEN ROCKS
100. A SECRET IN TIME: NANCY DREW'S 100TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION
101. THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING MILLIONAIRES
102. THE SECRET IN THE DARK
103. THE STRANGER IN THE SHADOWS
104. THE MYSTERY OF THE JADE TIGER
105. THE CLUE IN THE ANTIQUE TRUNK
106. THE CASE OF THE ARTFUL CRIME
107. THE LEGEND OF MINER'S CREEK
108. THE SECRET OF THE TIBETAN TREASURE
109. THE MYSTERY OF THE MASKED RIDER
110. THE NUTCRACKER BALLET MYSTERY
111. THE SECRET AT SOLAIRE
112. CRIME IN THE QUEEN'S COURT
113. THE SECRET LOST AT SEA
114. THE SEARCH FOR THE SILVER PERSIAN
115. THE SUSPECT IN THE SMOKE
116. THE CASE OF THE TWIN TEDDY BEARS
117. MYSTERY ON THE MENU
118. TROUBLE AT LAKE TAHOE
119. THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING MASCOT
120. THE CASE OF THE FLOATING CRIME
121. THE FORTUNE-TELLER'S SECRET
122. THE MESSAGE IN THE HAUNTED MANSION
123. THE CLUE ON THE SILVER SCREEN
124. THE SECRET OF THE SCARLET HAND
125. THE TEEN MODEL MYSTERY
126. THE RIDDLE IN THE RARE BOOK
127. THE CASE OF THE DANGEROUS SOLUTION
128. THE TREASURE IN THE ROYAL TOWER
129. THE BABY-SITTER BURGLARIES
130. THE SIGN OF THE FALCON
131. THE HIDDEN INHERITANCE
132. THE FOX HUNT MYSTERY
133. THE MYSTERY AT THE CRYSTAL PALACE
134. THE SECRET OF THE FORGOTTEN CAVE
135. THE RIDDLE OF THE RUBY GAZELLE
136. THE WEDDING DAY MYSTERY
137. IN SEARCH OF THE BLACK ROSE
138. LEGEND OF THE LOST GOLD
139. THE SECRET OF CANDLELIGHT INN
140. THE DOOR-TO-DOOR DECEPTION
141. THE WILD CAT CRIME
142. THE CASE OF CAPITAL INTRIGUE
143. MYSTERY ON MAUI
144. THE E-MAIL MYSTERY
145. THE MISSING HORSE MYSTERY
146. THE GHOST OF LANTERN LADY
147. THE CASE OF THE CAPTURED QUEEN
148. ON THE TRAIL OF TROUBLE
149. THE CLUE OF THE GOLD DOUBLOONS
150. MYSTERY AT MOORSEA MANOR
151. THE CHOCOLATE-COVERED CONTEST
152. THE KEY IN THE SATIN POCKET
153. WHISPERS IN THE FOG
154. THE LEGEND OF THE EMERALD LADY
155. THE MYSTERY IN TORNADO ALLEY
156. THE SECRET IN THE STARS
157. THE MUSIC FESTIVAL MYSTERY
158. THE CURSE OF THE BLACK CAT
159. THE SECRET OF THE FIERY CHAMBER
160. THE CLUE ON THE CRYSTAL DOVE
161. LOST IN THE EVERGLADES

Google Image Triptych For 10:41



Google Image Triptych For 10:35



Apr 1, 2009

Able Consulting

I've previously titled a post about dumb advertising, I've Hated Everyone I've Met Who Works In Advertising, and this is not wholly true because one dear friend, S. Kaiserman, of the Main Line Kaisermans (and one of Alpha's soon-to-be-written, comic-tragic screenplays), is a rising star on the Cover Girl account at Grey. But, beyond our girl S., most advertisers irk and disappoint me. There's been a whole lot of confusing "hipster proliferation" of the bullshit Juno variety and, as ever, soul-numbing gender stereotypes and BAD BAD writing. Recently, I've noticed a spate of Jameson spots in subway cars. They are clean and aesthetic, but the copy is straight dim-witted, amateur, like a middle school book report...see for yourself.

Liquor is an easy sell. I remember why I started drinking Jameson: a beautiful bartender-friend-of-a-boyfriend named Dan. He was (is) a tall, scruffy, son of a Pittsburgh steel-worker/ex-H.S. football star/L.E.S. (of cooler yore) party-sire (you can still find him at Max Fish...makin' that paper, scene or non). He wanted to take a shot with me; he asked what I'd like. I said Jameson and it seemed to please him and we proceded to take many, each time we met. If I was formulating a campaign for the brand, maybe I would begin there, with a similarly alluring bartender for television (novel--objectifying a dude in a booze commercial, but with an eye toward realism). I think such a proposition would be tacky in print, and, as I said, the current stuff appearing in my Q train is good-looking, but could do without the inane, unsuccessfully jokey (in fact quite clunky) text.

When I picked Jameson for my first shot with dreamy Dan, I was responding to the bottle and the name and some notion of old-fashioned, old-worldy, boys' club value, something inherently upmarket but still a bit tough (I mean, not frou or fey)...Irish (with lace curtains). It was the right choice for the high/low, young/old interchange/moment of my Summer 2005 (and I thought the drinking of brown liquor belied my 19 years). A brand like Jameson hasn't got much work to do, and the current ads make mention of that, the success of the unchanged object, the old label, the old process/product. But why squawk about it? Trying so hard to explain itself in a public forum seems so very un-Jameson. Their adverts should be aloof and occasionally nostalgic (for the sweet, tall, strong barkeeps of our collective experience...? or the snifter in the hall of a dark, old Irish house...?). I suppose we're back at the central premise of all of my negative posts: folks with platforms are so often--um--unsophisticated.

Folk Art For April Fool's Day (We Hope to OMG)


This is not really happening.

Mar 31, 2009

Dream States

















Things have been rough in the real world lately, so I've gotten in the habit of pouring myself a cocktail and drifting off into dreamland; doing such bizarre things as planning ridiculously lavish weddings for myself, luxury vacations, nutty wardrobes, and future places of residence (the latter three being a bit more in character). In 10 or so years (after my wedding at the Sedlec Ossuary) Able, Alpha and I will be locking ourselves in the above room at my house in Tuxedo Park; hugging the bong and hiding from husbands and children.

Love In This Club



It's criminal to overlook the classics (however loud the noise about them). Bob Deniro as young Vito is simply the most nuanced hotness.

What Happen


This business gets sticky around 00:00:36...

Purchase Something (For Tuesday)


mmm-hmm.

Purchase Something (For Tuesday)


mmm-hmm.

I'm not gonna lie-tell y'all...this mess looks really kinda sorta "stinkin'" watchable.


I'm learning to love the bomb! Catfight with Tyra! Promotional footage of Tenn-a-key! Self-actualization!

Get on the Bus


Silly me usually gives overtly political artworks the side-eye. It's a bollocks policy, and I'm working on it. Jenny Holzer's relatively recent (2006ish) Redaction Paintings, which call upon declassified Iraq War documents, currently on view at the Whitney (along with several LOVELY site-specific reinstallations of her earlier digital text works) made me weep. They are displayed handily on the website, and are worth a look and read.

An Aural Triptych For You

I have to preface this with an apology: I know I've been yanking words and sentiments from others in an intense way for the past few weeks, but I find that my own words aren't adequate. And if the feelings I need to express coincide with some jams that I think we all could afford to listen to, then why not?

Mar 30, 2009

Verses

"The Figure a Poem Makes"
Robert Frost

Abstraction is an old story with the philosophers, but it has been like a new toy in the hands of the artists of our day. Why can't we have any one quality of poetry we choose by itself? We can have in thought. Then it will go hard if we can't in practice. Our lives for it.

Granted no one but a humanist much cares how sound a poem is if it is only a sound. The sound is the gold in the ore. Then we will have the sound out alone and dispense with the inessential. We do till we make the discovery that the object in writing poetry is to make all poems sound as different as possible from each other, and the resources for that of vowels, consonants, punctuation, syntax, words, sentences, metre are not enough. We need the help of context- meaning-subject matter. That is the greatest help towards variety. All that can be done with words is soon told. So also with metres-particularly in our language where there are virtually but two, strict iambic and loose iambic. The ancients with many were still poor if they depended on metres for all tune. It is painful to watch our sprung-rhythmists straining at the point of omitting one short from a foot for relief from monotony. The possibilities for tune from the dramatic tones of meaning struck across the rigidity of a limited metre are endless. And we are back in poetry as merely one more art of having something to say, sound or unsound. Probably better if sound, because deeper and from wider experience.

Then there is this wildness whereof it is spoken. Granted again that it has an equal claim with sound to being a poem's better half. If it is a wild tune, it is a Poem. Our problem then is, as modern abstractionists, to have the wildness pure; to be wild with nothing to be wild about. We bring up as aberrationists, giving way to undirected associations and kicking ourselves from one chance suggestion to another in all directions as of a hot afternoon in the life of a grasshopper. Theme alone can steady us down. just as the first mystery was how a poem could have a tune in such a straightness as metre, so the second mystery is how a poem can have wildness and at the same time a subject that shall be fulfilled.

It should be of the pleasure of a poem itself to tell how it can. The figure a poem makes. It begins in delight and ends in wisdom. The figure is the same as for love. No one can really hold that the ecstasy should be static and stand still in one place. It begins in delight, it inclines to the impulse, it assumes direction with the first line laid down, it runs a course of lucky events, and ends in a clarification of life-not necessarily a great clarification, such as sects and cults are founded on, but in a momentary stay against confusion. It has denouement. It has an outcome that though unforeseen was predestined from the first image of the original mood-and indeed from the very mood. It is but a trick poem and no poem at all if the best of it was thought of first and saved for the last. It finds its own name as it goes and discovers the best waiting for it in some final phrase at once wise and sad-the happy-sad blend of the drinking song.

No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise for the writer, no surprise for the reader. For me the initial delight is in the surprise of remembering something I didn't know I knew. I am in a place, in a situation, as if I had materialized from cloud or risen out of the ground. There is a glad recognition of the long lost and the rest follows. Step by step the wonder of unex pected supply keeps growing. The impressions most useful to my purpose seem always those I was unaware of and so made no note of at the time when taken, and the conclusion is come to that like giants we are always hurling experience ahead of us to pave the future with against the day when we may Want to strike a line of purpose across it for somewhere. The line will have the more charm for not being mechanically straight. We enjoy the straight crookedness of a good walking stick. Modern instruments of precision are being used to make things crooked as if by eye and hand in the old days.

I tell how there may be a better wildness of logic than of inconsequence. But the logic is backward, in retrospect, after the act. It must be more felt than seen ahead like prophecy. It must be a revelation, or a series of revelations, as much for the poet as for the reader. For it to be that there must have been the greatest freedom of the material to move about in it and to establish relations in it regardless of time and space, previous relation, and everything but affinity. We prate of freedom. We call our schools free because we are not free to stay away from them till we are sixteen years of age. I have given up my democratic prejudices and now willingly set the lower classes free to be completely taken care of by the upper classes. Political freedom is nothing to me. I bestow it right and left. All I would keep for myself is the freedom of my material-the condition of body and mind now and then to summons aptly from the vast chaos of all I have lived through.

Scholars and artists thrown together are often annoyed at the puzzle of where they differ. Both work from knowledge; but I suspect t ey differ most importantly in the way their knowledge is come by. Scholars get theirs with conscientious thoroughness along projected lines of logic; poets theirs cavalierly and as it happens in and out of books. They stick to nothing deliberately, but let what will stick to them like burrs where they walk in the fields. No acquirement is on assignment, or even self-assignment. Knowledge of the second kind is much more available in the wild free ways of wit and art. A schoolboy may be defined as one who can tell you what he knows in the order in which he learned it. The artist must value himself as he snatches a thing from some previous order in time and space into a new order with not so much as a ligature clinging to it of the old place where it was organic. More than once I should have lost my soul to radicalism if it had been the originality it was mistaken for by its young converts. Originality and initiative are what I ask for my country. For myself the originality need be no more than the freshness of a poem run in the way I have described: from delight to wisdom. The figure is the same as for love. Like a piece of ice on a hot stove the poem must ride on its own melting. A poem may be worked over once it is in being, but may not be worried into being. Its most precious quality will remain its having run itself and carried away the poet with it. Read it a hundred times: it will forever keep its freshness as a petal keeps its fragrance. It can never lose its sense of a meaning that once unfolded by surprise as it went.

Folk Art For Almost Spring

Best Things Going (For Lunes)



here y here

Letter to the Chief--Let Me Love You

Here's another days old ditty...a thing I should have addressed last week.

Barack, I was stoooned when I voted for you and when I watched the returns and when I took to the streets to celebrate your historic win. And I don't think it's funny that you seem to think the legalization of marijuana is funny. Maybe you and Michelle are just the sort of yuppies who view yerba as the stuff of collegiate shenanigans, but I view it as a damn medical necessity. When you hired my old classmate, Chris Hughes, to mastermind an Internet-savvy, interactive campaign for you in 2008, you sewed up my generation, already pretty gone over your Iraq War stance, speechification and good looks. And when, this past week, you held your first live, Presidential "Town Hall" via the Internets, the likely majority of participants were youngbloods too. And when millions of those youngbloods were polled, millions expressed their interest in your stance on legalizing weed. And you laughed about it; you all laughed, and dismissed it outright.

As tykes, in the sweet and distant 90s (and early aughts), our generation (sorry, I love to talk generations but loathe naming them), were heavily medicated. We were fed Ritalin and Adderall and a load of antidepressants. And many of us had horrible experiences. I, for one, at fifteen, in order to "treat" a series of Summer panic attacks, was put on the highest allowable dosage of Paxil. It was a brand new drug, a product to be pushed (on licenced physicians and, in turn, their patients) by a massive corporation, GlaxoSmithKline. I ceased taking it at seventeen, after a suicidal break and some atypical manic episodes that led to my failing out of prep school (even taking a months-long break from schooling altogether). Come to find, several years later, in a U.K. study followed by several Stateside, that Paxil causes suicidal episodes in teenagers and is particularly dangerous for Bipolar patients of any age. A friend of mine nearly died of heart failure after having been prescribed a deadly mixture of sleep aids and anxiety drugs as a high school junior. Another friend, having been given Adderall (read: SPEED) at eleven, was a serious basehead by sixteen; the introduction of powerful amphetamine into his system as a kid may well have been the key to his battle with addiction (begun FAR TOO EARLY).

It goes without saying, that we may be disillusioned with the government-approved prescription drug industry. Why are the powers that be comfortable feeding children chemicals that were smithed last year and not those that have been grown and used (medicinally and oh-so recreationally) for centuries upon centuries. Alls I'm saying is, teaheads have a point and prefer not to be taken lightly. I'm no spring chicken—I know the President can't go about legalizing drugs in his first year of executing in the midst of a nervous-making financial crisis. But maybe he could say something about the inanity of the war on drugs, our part in the violence in Mexico...I don't know. I think I've just realized what a centrist this guy is. More grey for March.

Visit some friends.

Stay Up, Baby.






















Apologies, I fell off of the grid a bit this weekend and have neglected to mention our love Tip Harris's recent jail sentence (a year plus some sticky probation stuff). No need to inspect the wacky double standards that cause me to have no problem with his major weapon ownership (the thing what sent him down), while often declaring myself anti-assault weapon...it is what it is...I'm blinded by his crystalized hoodies. A&P hopes he stays safe, gets lots of visitors, and writes lots of songs (and maybe learns his lesson?).

Mar 29, 2009

Raise You A Kelis (I'm OK. You're OK.)

Because I'm so certain it's in the air tonight.... I know everyone's expecting "Caught Out There" but...

Song For You (And Us)

if i gave you peaches
out of my own garden
and i made you a peach cobbler
....
would you slap me out?