Jul 9, 2009

For Shame

Judy Berman of Salon had this to say about Paris Jackson speaking at her father's memorial:

...even if Paris' words of affection and loss were completely genuine, I can't help but worry that her emotional debut was exploitative. Shouldn't a truly loving family know better than to spotlight the grief of an 11 year old who has just lost a parent?

Really? I find this kind of speculation, and there's been lots of it, to be unspeakably cruel. The girl was standing with her family, who obviously had no intention of her speaking, when she tapped her aunt on the arm and asked to say something about the only parent she's ever had; a parent who the world assumed abused and damaged her.

I'm guessing Berman has never been to the funeral of a parent of young children. Some years ago, my former boyfriend's older sister (a controversial character in her own right, whose parenting skills were also constantly in question) passed away. Her young daughter stood at her service and spoke, and although I can't remember what she said, I do know that for the rest of her life she will be proud of herself for having the courage and maturity to stand for her mother and be an active participant in putting her to rest.

Our culture is taught to pussyfoot around children. Don't say bad words around them, don't show emotion around them, shield them from anything negative and "adult"; but we forget the incredible emotional maturity young people are capable of, for better or worse. Our under-the-age-of-18 peers are people too, with the right to bury and eulogize and celebrate. Perhaps the discomfort here is not about any of this, but about our own guilt. As fragile dolls whisked here and there with silly masks and scarves over their faces, the Jackson children were merely one more link in the "Wacko Jacko" chain. But we are now faced with the reality of three young children who have lost their father, and we can no longer make fun or be cynical. It's hard to feel feelings, and Paris Jackson and her family are now being villianized to make the world feel better about being so damn mean. For shame!

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