Redux Reflux

So, 90s redux has been in full swing for a couple of seasons (though the cold weather has made it more pronounced). I began a natural progression towards it in late 2005 with navy blue nail polish, baby doll dresses, flannel, awkward short boots, a general notion of setting aside the fluorescents, white leather and cocaine. Now that it runs rampant, I've been chafing in an unbecoming way. Most of our readership knows that this summer I came across a 14-year-old (that means: born in 1994) dressed as Blossom (that means: floral dress, Doc Martens, and straw hat fastened with a sunflower), who claimed to have never heard of the show--I positively ate my bonnet. If we (born in 1985) were allowed to attack the 80s with relishment, then, by all means, this set can have at it with knee highs and mini-backpacks and stonewashed denims. The version of the re-movement implied by that aforementioned teenager's outfit must be for the kiddies; I can't go in for items that I already bought at Contempo Casuals when I was in elementary school. I can get down with 90s redux, but with finer, subtler choices than the babes make (no costumes for Able). I believe I've worked out my angst, but if I see a 14-year-old walking down the street (or worse, on the L train) wearing these lime green patent objects, I'll need to retire from pubic life permanently.