"I had to give up scotch, because it turns me into a werewolf - and cigarettes too. I seem to like to kiss trouble on the forehead and then try to back away. I test my limits quite often. I guess that's what 22-year-olds do. But I'm fallible and human and I'm figuring it out."
Shia LaBeouf, doing what 22 year olds do, pretending to quit drinking.
In the wake of her most recent photos-on-the-internet debacle, Miley Cyrus has taken to her blog to defend herself. This one's a real doozy:
I definitely feel like the press is trying to make me out as the new 'BAD GIRL'!I feel like now that Britney is back on top of her game again, they need someone to pick on! Lucky me!
Miley, dear, you will never in any capacity have any remote connection to Britney Spears. You're being picked on because you're an idiot. But you're 16, so it's to be expected. Just ride it out, you may not be an idiot for much longer. Maybe.
Some criminals removed a couple of videos from previous posts: Otis Redding at Monterey Pop and Depeche Mode atop the WTC. But in my fruitless search for them—serious consolation, Sam et Dave.
"Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you but you never come. Is this in my head? I don't know what to think- He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said... Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone."
So I'm driving down the street yesterday, minding my own business, and (thanks to my malfunctioning cassette player iPod contraption) this fresh hell from Taylor Swift comes over the airwaves. I've been seeing her rodent face in the rags for a while now, so I decided to see what she was all about. Bad idea.
As a young'un, I definitely fed into the whole prince/princess romantic fantasy. Although, come to think of it, my fantasies were more dank medieval castle, giant fireplace, and luxurious furs than prince/princess...and I don't think "romantic" would really be the way to describe them...anyway.....
This "jam" just feeds the already fatty brains of young women, setting them up for a lifetime of sitting around waiting for a "prince" to come along to save them, complete them, impart meaning. The "Romeo & Juliet" theme is also troublesome, perpetuating that much-advertised lie that a romantic interest who raises the ire of friends and family is somehow even more desirable. Oh Lord, and the marriage talk! Isn't this girl 16 years old or something?
We need to sit the younger generation down and tell them that "Romeo" is just code for a bartender/musician with good hair and mother issues.
Now, I love "The Hills" and it's sweet little sister, "Laguna Beach" (seasons 1 and 2). I was a little miffed when Justin Timberlake publicly called for more music videos on MTV while sharing a stage with Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port, two of the winsome, blonde stars of the monstrously successful MTV reality programming he seems to abhor. I think these shows are beautifully shot, fascinating, rather sad and complex (whether they mean to be or not). They are not quite the worst of what has happened to MTV; they are, in terms of quality and cultural influence, what "The Real World" was in the 90's. Everything else is wrong. MTV is not a station that is even remotely about music. It's about really skanky high school students and the skanks that they love. If you sit and watch a full day of MTV shows, you will become certain that life ends after eighteen. Imagine then, what it is to watch this swill as a small child. When I was a tyke, MTV was about the thrilling prospect of being in my twenties, the thrilling prospect of being a pop-star. The sad-sacks at the network, who, I'm sure, hate the stuff they're selling even more than we do, have created a new website to asuage us "oldies." MTV Music (hilariously redundant) makes available every single music video ever aired on the network. It's a haven where one can once again watch Snoop morph into a doberman and Duran Duran sail the high seas . . . bon voyage.
This one is wrong on many fronts, but primarily because if you're 15 years old you shouldn't have to go to the Halloween Blowout Factory Depot Warehouse to work the Lolita look. So points off for being an idiot, and points off for looking like a fucking bruise.
If you're going in this direction you may as well just throw on a baby bump. Or did Mary not get fat? I was never clear on that detail.
If I was this child's parent or legal guardian I would take it further and hide ANOTHER child dressed as Jesus under that robe. And then she could ring the doorbell and be all like "Trick or...." and he could pop out and scream "RESURRECTIONNNNN AHHHHHHH"
